20080318

Candidato afroamericanochileno para presidente.

El candidato sigue dando candentes declaraciones en inglés

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-Health is one of the most important issues for everybody.
-Do you think so? C'mon, we've got the fucking Curepto hospital! Chilean Health is so good, that even a hospital without a single motherfuckin' bed inside counts! And the patients are not even sick! Isn't it a fucking-A way to improve public health?

-Even so, it seems like an unsolvable problem.
-And it is if you pay shit to everybody involved. Shit to the doctors, the paramedics and the nurses. Shit for the buildings, that are falling apart. Shit for the ambulances. Shit plus shit equals two shits.

-Again, is this a money issue?
-I'm sorry to fucking dissapoint you, but politics ain't poetry. Yes. Everything is about fucking money. How you earn it and how you spend it. The Chilean State is very good at collecting money -basically they grab your balls and squeeze them for about 50 years and then you're nothing more than an old fart who dies in a fucking public hospital because the doctor was an asshole or was at his shift in a fucking private clinic and didn't get to the OR on time. But it is very bad at spending: it looks like a bunch of moronic motherfuckers who can hardly keep their fucking saliva inside their mouths, while every possible crook in town steals his or her piece of the cake. Raise, oh carpenters the new hospital's beam! Before you fucking wink, the carpenters are running away with the fucking nails, the concrete, the electrical appliances...

-Seriously. What would you do?
-I'd get rid of all the fucking old ladies who crowd the ERs of this country for a simple headache. I'll put a fucking general medicine private clinic, a small one, every 10 or so blocks in every fucking city. In poor neighborhoods it would be completely subsidized. It would cost ten times less than running a fucking scanner because some motherfucker has an headache -and the doctor is shitting in his pants because the old lady can sue him for not running the fucking scanner. You got a headache? Here, take an aspirin. Go fucking home. The government pays for the aspirin, the doctor, and saves money -and schedule time- for those motherfuckers who are really needing a scanner.

-People would still want the scanner.
-People are so fucking dumb. I'll like to fucking whip them in the ass to change the fucking culture of this country, but it is illegal. Yea. But the fucking point is that we don't have scanners for every fucking body. And the point also is that not everybody needs it. But since it is daddy government who pays for the shit, the doctors don't give a fuck about asking for exams,. We'll tame that by tendering home clinics, family medicine, and subsidizing it. The motherfuckers will complain the first time. But not the second. And they'll rather go some place near home than to the fucking hospital.

-Private medicine for the poor?
-Yes. So fucking what? Why does the State has to be everybody's dad? We're still paying for the poorest, so the fucking doctor will have to treat that person with dignity.

-And the rest?
-I have a message for the fucking Isapres's Association: FEAR ME MOTHERFUCKERS. I'll go after you like a mad dog. There has to be more competition in that fucking market. In ten years from now there'll be only one mega shit Isapre and that is inmoral. But they're the fucking assholes who'll made possible for me to go after them. The Isapre's Association is doing nothing but fucking SHRINKING, so I'll be the powerful one.

-And Fonasa?
-With all the money we're going to save in hospitals, Fonasa will rock baby. And if some motherfucker is thinking about how to steal from it, we''l cut his fucking head off. Islamic justice. Why the fuck not? Can I tell you a joke before we move on?

-Yeah, sure.
-"Doctor, I fart rose-smelling farts". "Let's see. Please fart now". "Prrrr". "Mhhh... You need surgery". "An ass-fixing surgery, doctor?". "No, a surgery that fix your FUCKING NOSE MOTHERFUCKER"